Cole Current

Expand Your Comfort Zone: Day 2 - Building Empathy

Nicole Frugé (deladivine.com)

Build empathy by examining your biases, gaining perspective, and through exploration. Check Out DAY 1 here

"What does EMPATHY have to do with trading?"

Well, you need a lot of it at the beginning of your trading career. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes but I'm going to help you put yourself in your own shoes from an outside perspective.

In the 2-week intensive class, Chris Cole speaks about money thresholds and how many of us do not have the income we desire because we have placed a mental cap on what we feel we deserve and our ability to earn more money.

The first thing you will need to do is examine the biases or prejudices surrounding how you feel about your ability to EARN more in your trading career and pick them apart.

How much money is the most you have ever made? Do you feel you deserve more? How many times have you made that amount of money? Was it consistent or a one-time thing? Can you MANAGE more money? How do you manage money now?

On Day 1 of this series, I had you print out a couple of workbooks to help you develop more honesty with yourself about what's blocking your money. Did you print them and begin working on it?

At some point in your life, you may have developed a cap on your ability to increase your income. These are the biases that you must discover and recondition so that you can develop a certain level of EMPATHY for yourself.

What do I mean by that?

You gotta take a good look at yourself from the outside in for you to be able to change these thresholds. The majority of the issues we have with money have been impressed upon us as children or young adults.

On page 3 of the emotional intelligence guide, I asked if you subconsciously enjoy or if you are addicted to the pain you inflict upon yourself.

How often do you find yourself in the same predicament when it comes to money? More month than money... doing something strange for a PIECE of change... SCRATCHING AND SURVIVING... [*cues Good Times theme song]

We end up in the same cycles because we haven't cleared the emotional ties to the problems that we have. If paying for things that are a substantial amount of money ALWAYS makes you feel something negative, you have an emotional ADDICTION to that action. That's only one example.

I call it an addiction because you decide how you will feel about something, whether it seems involuntary or not. Allowing yourself to feel the same bad feelings over and over with no intent to change it, is an addiction.

When you NAME the problem, you have a clear way to decipher how to resolve it.

Welcome to the E.A. (Emo Anonymous) 10 step program lol

This brings me to the second and third points of building empathy through exploration and gaining perspective.

Change your perspective on how you feel by exploring new ways to approach the feelings you have.

I saw something on Instagram that said: "instead of saying you have to do something, say you GET TO do something" and the reason was that you change your perspective on how that thing feels to you.

Take some time to go through the WORKBOOK THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DOWNLOAD AND FILL OUT [yes that's me going off on you if you haven't downloaded it yet] and see where you can adjust the wording you use to describe your circumstances.

You could be being hard on yourself for no damn reason. You are NOT the only one going through issues with money. Even Chris had to start somewhere...

I will keep this post short and sweet because I want you to go work on those workbooks so you can begin having a more empathetic approach to your mental shift. There's something about writing it down but there's something even better about RELEASING the problems you have.

So even if you don't decide to write it down in the workbook (everyone makes a change in different ways), just look at the workbooks and hear yourself say OUT LOUD some of the crazy things you think about yourself and your money lol

Do you have any money thresholds? Tell us so we can feel better about ourselves because we been hating from the outside of the money team and we can't even get in [tears]

Expand Your Comfort Zone: Day 1- Building Honesty.

Nicole Frugé (deladivine.com)

Build Honesty by making a commitment, thinking before you speak, and considering the consequences.

First, what's a ZONE?

def. an area or stretch of land having a particular characteristic, purpose, or use, or subject to particular restrictions.

This loosely means a SPACE that has a purpose for being there, right?

What is comfort?

def. a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint

So if I summarized, I would call the comfort zone a space with the purpose to free you from pain or constraint.

Why would you want to GET OUT of that zone when it protects you from pain or constraint? Its created to keep you safe, however, some of us have spaces that are much smaller than others, therefore, some of us are unable to receive more because its too much for us to bear.

This is why you want to EXPAND YOUR ZONE OF COMFORT. Make more room to receive MORE!

Expanding your comfort zone is a full-on process. You have to start at the ROOT of the issues you may have with what does and does not make you feel comfortable in situations or areas in your life.

This begins with brutal HONESTY!

You know what I love? People who are not afraid to be honest and straightforward. Not just with me but with themselves. Honesty is a virtue that many people can not display to their own selves.

Pay attention to that. Normally a person who lies to themself will damn sure lie to you about you! That's why an honest accountability partner is KEY!

Let me be the first to tell you that I lived that double life. You can read more about it here.

I was in denial about my own blatant issues and I had to resolve them FAST! That began with unscrupulous honesty with myself about myself. It took for me (ego) to be completely destroyed, some call it the dark night of the soul, for me to actually be able to have more honesty with myself.

If you are currently experiencing the worst of the worst, you are in the perfect position to begin being more honest with yourself.

It wasn't necessary to completely self destruct and I won't let that happen to you. That's why we are going to take today out of this 10-day series to build honesty!

Today you will make a commitment. Not only to yourself but to your future self. You in the future is responsible for much more than what you are responsible for today.

To build honesty, you have to really assess your core values. How committed are you to YOU?

Are you committed to the process of being successful in trading? Are you committed to changing your money thresholds? Are you committed to becoming more emotionally intelligent? Are you committed to unlearning all the BS you have learned about earning money?

We commit ourselves to BS all the time.

BS friends, relationships, jobs, distractions, etc but when it comes to something of real importance, like evaluating ourselves, we fade into the abyss or don't take it as seriously as we should.

One of the Four Agreements is to be IMPECCABLE with your WORD and most of the time we are creating our own downfall simply based on the words we speak. Internally and externally...

Which brings me to the next point: THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

You ever hear someone say some of the MOST DEFEATIST ish? Like, wow.... you really didn't think about that, did you? Words are spells!

Earl Nightingale stated in The Strangest Secret, that a doctor was being interviewed and was asked "What's wrong with men today?" and he responded, "Men simply don't think".

...women too! Be intentional with your thoughts but most importantly BE HONEST!

What are your thoughts filled with? Because the things you SAY will be a reflection of the things you think. And what you think and say are strong indicators of what you will receive in life.

Are the things you think about yourself true? Are they kind? Are they inspiring? Or do you downplay yourself and dim your light all the time? Do you give yourself a hard time over mistakes? Are you hard on yourself when someone had decided they don't like you for stupid reasons? (let's not confuse disagreement with dislike).

One thing I now know about myself is I couldn't care less about what conclusions a person has drawn about me. Why?

Because:

1. What and who is for you ain't gon miss you,

2. Most people aren't even brave enough to express themselves to you directly,

and 3. Seven times out of 10, they hate you cuz they ain't you! And the other 3 reasons are age, race, or gossip.

[I done triggered myself, let me breathe real quick]

Whew...

But with all that said, we come to the last point: consider the consequences.

What are the NEGATIVE consequences of NOT being honest with yourself? What are the POSITIVE consequences?

You cant change what you do not make yourself aware of.

Chris Cole makes it a point to make sure we document our journey in our own handwriting in our trading journal. Why? Because when you are physically apart of the process of your growth, you become more connected.

It's like the difference between gardening and having a gardener. You do not have the SAME connection to your own crops if you allow someone to do all the work for you.

Here are a couple of printable forms I created that WILL help you along this journey. This something you will want to do at least TWICE. Once when you start this journey and once when you feel far along the way.

I looked back on my assessments and I was FLOORED at some of my responses. I have definitely changed and its beautiful to see.

The next 10 days are going to be very interesting for a lot of us lol

Do you have areas in your life that you have been dishonest about? Are you going to download the assessments and use them for your own good?

Keep it real in the comments!

Cognitive Dissonance. You know its wrong, yet you do it anyway. Trigger warning!

Nicole Frugé (deladivine.com)

Disclaimer: This post is mainly about accountability so read it through, even if you feel triggered lol

"WTF? Nah... that makes NO sense..."

I was in absolute amazement. I mean, a complete state of shock when I witnessed a recent case of cognitive dissonance.

And normally that's what it looks like from the outside in. You just sit there watching, looking stuck, trying not to judge.

But what happens on the inside when you are having MAJOR cognitive dissonance?

I'm sure you have had multiple cases of C.D., as we all have. So its nothing to feel alone in but managing it is key.

According to the dictionary aka Google, C.D. is the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

Ok, so how does this look in trading...?

Remember that trap day blog post? If not, click here.

So its trap day, right...? YOU KNOW that there are 2 days that are historically trash days to trade.

You know this BUT you still hop into trades and expect full range runs. Come on, let's face it... your technical analysis far exceeds the historical data [sarcasm detected].

You hop in 3, maybe 5, contracts deep on a FRIDAY... during non-farm payroll... no hedge... straight directional. (SN: if none of that makes sense, and you're not already apart of the group, join here)

Based on your analysis, things are going well, you're halfway to your target, and you're up a decent amount in profit.

"take your money and run...", says the whisper in your head.

Do you listen? OF COURSE NOT!

Your need to be right takes over your newfound knowledge and you try to convince yourself, and maybe others around you, why your WRONG is right.

Now guess what? All that profit? It's a loss now and you just keeeep telling yourself "it'll turn back around in a second..." [stop filled]

No... It's not about to turn around and you just LOST money because that whisper from your higher self, should have slapped you.

Who raised you? Just kidding...

It's so common and it's manageable when you have a person who is willing to hold you accountable for you. But keep in mind, it's no one's JOB to do that, so if someone is willing to hold you accountable, value that person and keep them close.

Being held accountable is very important, especially in this industry. You can go into a downward spiral very quickly and have a tough time getting out alone.

Your losses may outweigh your wins. You may make VERY bad decisions in the market. You may feel like the decisions you make are not very good and this may cause you to create a barrier to taking risks.

Losses may also make you feel like you're just not understanding the skill but what you might be forgetting is that everyone goes through a difficult stage.

Accountability doesn't feel good all the time either. Especially when it interrupts what you THINK is the right direction. Sometimes we look so far into the future that the present mistakes become invisible.

Accountability comes from a place of love and care and if you are not able to accept love, you may not be able to receive the accountability you need.

It really comes down to being BRUTALLY honest with yourself.

Cognitive dissonance is an emotional response to NOT wanting to change or NOT wanting to do what you said you would do. Especially if it requires you to step outside of your level of comfort.

This conflict from your mind is a response to survival.

Subconsciously you have created a comfort zone and this comfort zone may only allow you to invite certain people, information, opportunities, income levels, etc into your paradigm.

Most people tell you to get OUT of your comfort zone but that would not be the answer either. Your comfort zone was made to protect you and allow you to have a barrier of entry or boundaries.

You need to EXPAND your comfort zone.

This Friday we are going to begin a 10-day comfort zone expansion. That way by the time the next 2-week intensive course is complete, you would have a new level of vision that you can tap into.

I would love for you to join me. I will post it daily right here on the blog.

Let me know in the comments if you plan to expand your comfort zone for 10 days straight!